We Gotta Problem

Fan-fiction nazi’s…really?


Hello my best buds,

As some of you have already brought to my attention, we’ve got a slight problem over on FFN, specifically in the TB/SVM section.  Apparently, a sad little crusader has decided that it’s her/his job to clean up FFN of all the smuttiness therein.  On the face of it, I’d usually laugh my ass off.  FFN currently hosts tens of thousands of smutty stories, many of which are very dear to our hearts.

But, they’ve opened an account as of November 21st and have started naming names, with particular hatred aimed at me.  I don’t know if we’re dealing with a super-prude, or a Bible thumper, or just someone who has no talent of their own and tears down those that do, but no excuse is viable.

My worry is that if this person succeeds we’ll lose many of the wonderful stories that brought us here in…

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2nd Essay for Eng Writing 101

This is my second essay.  It was supposed to be like a magazine article.  I was one of a group of 5.  I am the only one that turned it in complete with pictures.  The 5 of us were supposed to use our “articles” to make up a magazine.  One student wrote about hunting and trapping small game, such as rabbit, another student was supposed to write about preserving and canning foraged and hunted foods, another wrote about fishing, and yet another wrote about starting a guerrilla garden.  So, I wrote this article, a sidebar of recipes for post-apocalyptic cooking, and a sidebar of zombie survival tips.  I guess I’ll post those in a bit.  I was so proud of my work, but the rest of the group wouldn’t return my emails so that we could put it all back together.  I made a cover page and everything.  I’m whining, but writing is what I enjoy and am most proud of.  Maybe it’s because I’m older with kids the same age as my classmates?  Anyway…I had to turn in the magazine cover, my article, and my sidebars alone.  It could have been a great group project.  Next time, I am taking charge and they can kiss my ass.

How to Forage for Edible Plants

Compocalypse survivors need to know how to forage for edible plants because the ready food supply will be almost non-existent. We will need to know how to find our food in nature when grocery stores and markets have been looted by a desperate public. After picking abandoned homes clean of anything resembling food, we will have to turn to Mother Nature to provide for us. If we go back just a generation or two, we would see that in Kentucky, foraging was a common skill. This knowledge is dying right along with our elders. I would like to pass on to you, my fellow Dead Headers, some knowledge that I have learned from my grandmother and others over the years, as well as some tidbits that are new for me, too.
native american woman gathering seeds

We will need the following materials: a hand cultivator (three-pronged gardening tool), garden spade shovel, collection bag to carry edibles while keeping the hands free, a machete for cutting plants as well as protection from zombies, and a pair of thick leather gloves. This will basically be a three step process once you have found your hunting grounds. You will be working your way from top to bottom. Start with scanning the tree tops and work your way down to the forest floor. Before you begin, remember you will have to not only scan the forest for any edible plants, but also remain vigilant in case of zombie attack.

The first thing you will need to do is pick a good foraging spot. Make sure the area you are foraging is dense with vegetation, but has adequate animal trails so you can run if needed. Some wooded areas are thick with poison ivy and sumac, briar bushes, and other thorny plants so wear thick clothing and boots to protect your skin from cuts and scratches. Insure you have an escape plan in case of zombie attack by scouting out possible exit trails or climbable trees.
Next you want to scan high above ground. Begin by visually scanning the branches of trees for ones that may be nut or fruit bearing. If you are really lucky, you could find a deserted apple or peach orchard like my neighbors have. If not, don’t despair, Kentucky has many wild crab apple and black walnut trees. Tim MacWelch, in his online article for Outdoor Life Magazine Survival Skills: 10 Most Nutritious Fall Wild Edible Plants says that, “They (black walnuts) are high in fat, with a fair bit of protein, magnesium, phosphorus, copper and manganese.” I’m not sure what manganese is, but it sounds like something your body needs. Simply pluck the nuts or fruit and pop them right into your collection bag. While climbing trees, be mindful of hand and foot placement to avoid falling. Placing the collection bag across your shoulders will keep your hands free for collecting, climbing, and self-defense. If zombies approach and trap you in a tree, use your machete to hack into the top of the zombies’ skulls to eliminate them.
Once the trees have been exhausted of their fruit and nuts, start scanning the area for berry bushes, such as blackberries, which are quite abundant in Hardin County.


Picking Blackberries (Rubus)in September, selective focus close-up

Also look out for rose hips, which are extremely nutritious and just a little bit give you “close to your daily allowance of vitamin C” along with many other nutrients (MacWelch Skills).
Poke berries, also plentiful in the region, have edible leaves or greens which are easy to tear right off and stuff into your bag. However, my grandmother always told me not to eat the deep purple poke berries. I wasn’t sure whether it was because they are poisonous or if she just didn’t want me to stain my clothes. In another of Tim MacWelch’s articles for Outdoor Life online entitled Survival Foods: Don’t Eat These Plants or Animals, Ever, he informs us that, “Poke berries, nightshade and Virginia creeper are just a few of my local species that have claimed the lives of the unaware.” It’s a good thing that I listened to my grandmother. Don’t forget that many berry bushes have briars and thorns so be sure to wear thick leather gloves when picking them.


While searching at eye-level, zombies could crawl and attack from below. Wear tall boots to protect from possible zombie or snake bites. If you suddenly smell cucumbers in the woods, there is likely a copperhead snake nearby, so tread carefully.

The last step in the foraging process is to search at ground level. When possible, look up from the foot of a hill to better spot root-bearing plants like ginseng and sassafras.
Wild strawberries are usually easy to locate when they are red and ripened. You know those yellow dandelions that pop up every time you mow your yard? They are everywhere and, believe it or not, they are edible. I have had deep fried dandelions and they are delicious, though you should soak them in salt-water for an hour or so before breading with flour and frying. However, you should not even try eating any kind of wild mushroom, “unless you have years of experience”, according to Bill Heavey in his online article Wild Wine Berries Are in Season for Field and Stream Magazine. It is probably best to just leave mushrooms alone and look, instead for edible roots. Use the hand cultivator to dig out roots by forcing the prongs into the earth to loosen it, then you can pull the roots free. For deeper roots, you may have to use the gardening spade shovel to remove the roots from the ground. While on the ground, watch out for red-velvet ants, also known as cow-killers, which are actually a variety of male wasp that is flightless, but sting like a cigarette burn.
red velvet ant
These painful insects are common in Elizabethtown and the surrounding countryside so be sure to crouch on hands and feet, wearing leather gloves and boots. Of course, a zombie could always attack from above or behind, so it would be smart to bring a buddy to watch your back.
If we just look around us, we will see nature’s bounty all around. With a little experimentation and bravery we can get back to eating what our ancestors consumed for hundreds of years. Be sure to save all the seeds from any fruits and berries you collect so you can start your own guerilla garden. Foods grown in the wild are just bursting with flavor, more so than what we find in the Kroger produce department. Why wait for a zombie apocalypse? There is a veritable smorgasbord of yummie goodness everywhere; it’s ours for the taking. What are you waiting for? Get out there and forage!
By Angela H.

AN:  So, I am still taking suggestions for a new penname…It’s been so long since I’ve been on here or written any fanfics, so I’m out of the loop now, but I do appreciate any recs.

Anyhoo, what did you think of my essay?

My First Essay for English 101 (hint-zombie apocalypse)

So, you guys know me as Isis.mama here and on ff.net.  I am 42 years old and a college freshman!  I thought some of you might get a kick out of this.  The theme of my English writing class is “Zombie Apocalypse”.

BTW, I am going to change my penname, in light of that terror organization which shall not be named.

Professor Brown
English 101
24 September 2015

Ultimate Zombie Survivor

Do you have what it takes to survive a zombie apocalypse? Are you positive? It may be survival of the fittest; it may also be survival of whomever has stockpiled the deadliest armory. There will be no Walgreens to fill your prescriptions for Viagra, no Kroger to sell you fish sticks, and no military or police force to protect you and yours. Not to mention that the flesh eating zombies are akin to mindless parasites whose sole reason for being is to consume as much man meat as possible. How will you survive the odds day after day? The ultimate survivor of a zombie apocalypse must be healthy with no chronic health issues, have knowledge of weapons, and possess a willingness to kill.

One of the most important characteristics of the ultimate survivor is that such an individual would have to be as healthy as possible. Athletes and exotic dancers would have energy and stamina to spare. However, many Americans, and college students in particular, are not accustomed to the rigors of an apocalyptic environment. Instead of sitting at a desk or on a couch with a laptop, people will be running for their lives, most likely on foot since gasoline will not be available to fuel automobiles. This will require individuals to have physical strength and stamina. If they have lived a somewhat sedentary lifestyle, over time they will have lost muscle mass and gained weight. This weight gain can lead to chronic health issues like Type 1 Diabetes. Insulin, used to treat diabetes, has a short shelf-life and requires refrigeration, which would be difficult to obtain during a zombie apocalypse. My daughter has been a Type 1 diabetic for eighteen years; I shudder to think what her fate would be if an apocalyptic calamity befell the world. However, many can avoid sharing her fate by simply taking better care of themselves, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly.

Having a working knowledge of weaponry may mean the difference between surviving and becoming one of the walking dead. Survivors can use weapons, such as guns or bows and arrows, to hunt animals for meat. Kentucky has a long tradition of game hunting, going back before the white men even set foot in the region. The Cherokee once called the state of Kentucky the Bloody Country, because there is a history of tribal warfare battling for access to the plentiful game in the Bluegrass. With Kroger and other supermarkets having already been looted and abandoned, there is still a wealth of white-tailed deer and wild turkey to provide the protein and calories needed to fuel the added walking, running, and likely fighting that will be necessary for survival. Possessing firearms or other weapons would also be the perfect deterrent to would be thieves looking to steal much needed food or perhaps medical supplies. Some may believe the use of guns, bows, and knives to be archaic and barbaric, which is completely understandable. However, target shooting can be a fun and rewarding way to prepare for the worst and could quite possibly save lives.

Survivors of a zombie apocalypse must be willing to kill. Without fear of reprisals and with the desperation to survive, others may shoot first and ask questions never. Society will have devolved and reverted to their basest instincts. Members of the Compocalypse may be confronted with individuals who have suffered to an extent that they have nothing left to lose. When the only choice is either killing an assailant to protect one’s self and family or being murdered for scraps of food or a winter jacket, a Dead Head must use lethal force when necessary. Others may have the opinion that killing is wrong no matter the circumstances and in a perfect world this is quite admirable, but in the case of a zombie apocalypse, this stance is not practical. Another reason to consider being willing to kill is the zombie hordes craving human flesh and brains. The zombies may still be fresh and resemble the people they once were, but they must not be allowed to continue killing healthy people and spreading the zombie virus in the process. One cannot think of the zombie as a friend, classmate, or the individual’s professor; the zombie is not who he or she once were. The once familiar person is now a walking, shuffling, primitive lifeform bent on destruction. Killing them, however this needs to be achieved, would be a mercy and one less threat to fear. Just imagining Ms. Brown as an animated, decomposing corpse is enough to give anyone an itchy trigger finger.

In the end, we may all have to take actions we would never have done otherwise, just to survive day to day. We may have to stand by and watch less than healthy family and friends wither and die from chronic illness, which may or may not have been avoidable. We may have to acquire an intimate relationship with weaponry, even though it may make our skin crawl to touch the cold steel of a gun. We may abhor needless violence and loss of life, but in a zombie apocalypse violence may not be so needless anymore.

AN:  So that’s it.  What did you think?  I got an A.  Also, if anyone has any suggestions about a new username, leave it in the comments…

What is Crowley actually going to do with Dean?

I believe Deamon Dean will surprise us and most of all, Crowley.

A Blog devoted to J2 and Friends!

This actually sounds a wired question to put to you. But ever since the finale I’ve been thinking none stop about Crowley’s attachment to Dean, and why he lead him this merry dance and to where they both are now. Do we sense that Dean will wonder away with Crowley. Will Dean be unable to control that he might become this savage beast that needs to be caged up. Will Dean go willing with Crowley and become this wired hybrid cross demon.

Click to view full size image

I also keep asking myself what control will Dean have over himself, and his demonic side and this new super power from the Mark of Cain. Dean now has double the trouble to contend with and the pressure from Crowley. What has Crowley in mind for Dean, now that he can howl at the moon with Dean? We sense that its heading in some direction and that Sam…

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Fic Rec’s



I thought I’d pimp some fic’s I’ve come across on ff.net. 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/90586051/1/Dead-Ahead  by RazzMcazz

The morning after Sookie Stackhouse released the cluviel dor, she not only saved her long time friend and crush Sam Merlotte, but she got more than she bargained for. Now with the Changeling about to enter the world, Sookie must do all she can to protect the precious soul inside of her from the bickering of past lovers, to the plans of the Queen of Oklahoma.

travis fimmel

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8820574/1/The-Revealing-of-Andre by Meridian

Andre Paul, childe of Sophie-Anne LeClerq, had a “distinct” reputation: fierce, vicious, cruel and conniving. But…what that ALL there was to him? Emma may find out for herself. (*Rated M just in case this becomes more than a one-shot) Non-canon, AU, OC



It’s hard being a telepathic barmaid but Sookie Stackhouse can’t complain. She has a nice life in her small town. It all goes up in smoke when a fairy blackmails her onto marrying a vampire. A vampire that could care less who she is or what she feels. Watch their unlikely story unfold. This isn’t an easy love story but then again love and life seldom are.


blond girl3


by LoveFangs91

Seven years without a vampire in her life. A lot has changed, there’s other people to consider now. What happens when the vampires come fighting back into her life? Can the important peopleSookie has to protect still win out? AU. Rated M for mature themes.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8770252/1/Dazed-Confused by TicklePickle

Interupting Dead and Gone, Sookie’s day just keeps getting weirder, like Alice in Wonderland down the rabbit hole weird. A fairy kind of adventure with splashes of Eric and Co. Because lets face it it just ain’t SVM without Eric in some form or other.

Premiere Of HBO's "True Blood" 5th Season - Arrivals

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8781347/1/Nightingale by smanfan

Sookie is a nurse at a mental health facility, and her mundane life gets turned upside down when a unique patient arrives.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6453803/1/The-Viking-and-the-Valkyrie by ElfChef

Really, I love just about anything by this writer!

The story picks up seconds after “Dead in the Family” It provides both Eric’s and Sookie’s POV. It provides my view on the heart and mind of everyone’s favorite viking. They are faced with a deadly threat. You can expect action suspense & lemons..



http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8024731/1/A-Beacon-in-the-Dark by katfergie

Sookie meets Godric under different circumstances when she is first introduced to the supernatural world. Can they find hope for the future in each other or will Godric be lost to the darkness? Not pro Bill. M for Lemons. G/S/E

Pam and LudwigEric and Sookie9

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9043544/1/The-Fairy-Doctor by J.R. Watkins

There’s more to Dr. Ludwig’s young co-worker, than meets the supernatural eye. AU, canon characters. For InvertedMeridian, treewitch703, and ozzo